A work in progress

One of my biggest interests is the way the mind works.  I tend to ask people a lot of questions and watch as they give me their responses.  Psychology is a major interest of mine, and so is writing.  Writing Children's self help books is a dream of mine.  I had a problem dealing with things as a child.  I didn't know how to deal with my emotions.  Especially my anger.  I was angry at my Mom and Dad for fighting all the time.  I was angry that my Mom would just run away... She would just take off.  I was angry that she would always leave me there.... I feel like her running away and leaving me has affected my whole life, and I am still to this day trying to shed this baggage.  Here is the current book that I am working on... It is definitely a work in progress..

My Mommy and Daddy didn't get along.

It wasn't because something I said, and it wasn't because of something I did.

Them not getting along didn't make them love me any less.

When Mommy and Daddy would fight,

I used to think it was my fault.

I would hide under my bed, with a pillow over my head.

I would go outside and sing a song,

Or make believe I had a friend to tag along.

One day, I told Mommy and Daddy how I felt that it was my fault they fought.

They cried and told me that sometimes Mommy's and Daddy's fight

That it didn't mean they loved each other any less.

That it didn't mean I did anything at all wrong.

So I stopped hiding under my bed.

I stopped hiding altogether.

I finally understood it wasn't me.

It was them.

That them fighting didn't mean they were splitting up.

I Am Alive

This picture is of Alan up at Mt Scott in Lawton, Oklahoma.  We had a lot of fun hiking up to the top and watching the sunset.  Hiking and writing was basically what we spent our time doing while we lived there.  I would like to share this poem that he wrote, that means a lot to me.  Alan has a hard time sharing his emotions in words, so for the longest time while we were dating, the only way I would know how he was feeling was through his writing.  He really hasn't wrote much since we moved back to Texas, but here is one of my favorites...

I Am Alive
I can remember a time
When all I'd see
Staring back at me
From the pained mirror on the wall
Was an empty shell
As hollow as hell
Yet deep as a well
Daggers lie strung out
All across the body they cut
Making me their holy slut
Only to find that I'm dry inside
No heart, No blood
I was dead
Now I see
Staring back at me
Through eyes as blue as the heavens
A being that can only be
An angel sent to save me
The daggers are shattered
The cuts de-lacerated
The cold holes are gone
Replaced by the warmth of dawn
The thumping in my chest
The rise and fall of my breast
The feel of blood coursing through my veins
Prick me I bleed
I am
ALIVE

An Introduction

This is me. My name is Emily and I am a stay at home Mommy to three beautiful children; Scarlett, Brayden, and Natalie.  I am also an Army Wife to my husband Alan, who will be deploying to Afghanistan in November. The theme of my whole life has been, "I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow." Scarlett O'Hara, (from the book Gone With the Wind).  That's where the title of my blog comes in. I've always had the attitude of I can't think of it now, I will think about it later, or not at all... Push it away until it goes away.    

This is my hubby, Alan.  He is the love of my life, my high school sweetheart, and the Father of my 3 kids.  He is in the US Army.  He enjoys playing video games, working out, playing pool, and writing.  He is a poet, and he will hopefully allow me to share some of his writing on here from time to time.  Alan is my best friend and partner in crime.  We enjoy hiking, watching movies, and going on long drives together. 

This is my Princess Scarlett.  She is 4 years old and just recently started Pre-School.  She has really blossomed and become a really well behaved child since starting school.  She still has her whiny moments, but don't we all?  Scarlett enjoys playing with her cousins, dressing up, and going to school!  We enjoy reading books, dancing, and drawing together!

This is my handsome only son Brayden.  He is 3 years old and 10 months younger than Scarlett.  He is in his little terror stage.  He is into anything and EVERYTHING he can get his hands on.  But he still loves to run up to me and give me a kiss and run off and play.  It is hard for him to stay in trouble with me... All he has to do is smile.  :)  He enjoys climbing, jumping, running, and watching super hero's and cartoons with his Dad.  We enjoy reading books and snuggling together. 

This is my monster, and youngest, Natalie.  She is 22 Months, 23 months on the 5th.  She hit her terrible 2 stage long before she turned 2.  She enjoys terrorizing her brother, sister and I.  She also has a tendency to break out in dance, even when there is no music.  I love it.  I wish I could just have a drop of her energy and love for life and all things pretty.